I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
