There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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