About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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