Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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