Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
