toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
