I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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