He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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