Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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