Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
