come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
