DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
