There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
