We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
