Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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