i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
