This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
