I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
