We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
