Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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