Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
