in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
