ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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