I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
