im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
