Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
