shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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