Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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