I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just gift wrapped bread.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
