I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
