Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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