When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
