I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
