I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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