so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
