I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The Olympian is in my bed
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
