She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
