I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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