if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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