Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
