If i come over, it means nothing
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
