As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
