Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
