and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
