I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
That was before I lit my hair on fire
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
