Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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