He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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