I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
