I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
