Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
