the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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