Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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