You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i want to swaddle you in tequila
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
