Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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