you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
