She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
