I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Randomize
