Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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