Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.