Your face is a jimmy john
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
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she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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