she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You peed on a flamingo?!?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
