just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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