walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
