Where is the hickey?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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