You can't special order awesome
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
