I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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