He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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