i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
