Im at strip club and am horny
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
