I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Randomize
