I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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