Where did you get a picture of my penis
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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