Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Still dying that you shit outside
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
