Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
