Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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