Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
