I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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