just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
