I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We're using joints as your birthday candles
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
